can you stay friends after breaking up?
my first boyfriend and i go back a bit - from 1998 i think. shit - that's not 8 years ago is it?
(chuen mui - that means you & your bf go back around that far too!! hahaha...)
and he and i have remained very close friends. i am so happy we were able to stay friends after we broke up - because it means so much to me even now. he is always there when i need him. he still knows me so well. and i just love him to death. no - we're not in love. there's a clear distinction there. he is someone that i know i will always be able to rely on. and he makes me feel loved and he still makes me feel important.
it wasn't easy in the beginning. but then it all worked out in the end. we can talk about our relationships, sex life, anything - and there's not the slightest bit of jealousy or anything. i mean, i've met all his girlfriends (the ones worthwhile meeting, that is), and he's even brought one of his steadier girlfriends to see my mum!
now that we're living in different countries/cities, we're able to stay at each other's places whilst knowing that nothing dodgy will ever happen. not to say he wouldn't tease and try - in jest, of course.
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see - that was what i had hoped i'd be able to get from my latest ex-boyfriend, "j". but it has been so difficult, and it's really taking its toll on us. it's just not the same as my first bf. i think J is a compulsive liar - and just doesn't know when to stop. we've been broken up now for well over half a year, and he's still lying to me. he backtracks when i catch him in a lie. but then he forgets he told me truth, and continues to lie. why?
oh - and his new korean girlfriend isn't helping either. apparently, she hates my guts even though i haven't met her and have done absolutely nothing to her or her boyfriend. she gave J a huge hickey once on his neck, as though she's marking him as her's. she even forwarded photographs of the two together to me! i can't say both things didn't have any effect on me. they did. i freely admit it. but it doesn't mean i love him or i want to be with him at all.
i'm just sick of their antics at this point. i don't even care if we're friends or not. only because i feel as though it was never a real friendship. how could it be if it were full of lies? sure - he knows me in and out. but do i really know him? i don't feel as though i do. then again, maybe he doesn't really know me at all - otherwise he'd know it'd be okay not to lie. to reveal who he really is. even the dark and ugly side. and that maybe i could've accepted it. but i just wasn't given that choice was i?
so no big loss. it was just a waste of 2 years. in a twisted way, they were 2 happy years - only because i lived in a lie.
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Update: Tuesday, June 13th 4:ooPM
okay - and so it is bothering me that he hasn't done anything about his gf harrassing me... not surprising that i'm bothered by it.. it just makes me question whether he really does consider me as a friend or not.. i meant, if anyone bothered my friends, let alone ex-boyfriend - i'd question their morales and mental stability! but the fact that he hasn't may even implicate him! maybe he sent them just to mess me up! argh. i wish i could stop thinking stupid thoughts.
(chuen mui - that means you & your bf go back around that far too!! hahaha...)
and he and i have remained very close friends. i am so happy we were able to stay friends after we broke up - because it means so much to me even now. he is always there when i need him. he still knows me so well. and i just love him to death. no - we're not in love. there's a clear distinction there. he is someone that i know i will always be able to rely on. and he makes me feel loved and he still makes me feel important.
it wasn't easy in the beginning. but then it all worked out in the end. we can talk about our relationships, sex life, anything - and there's not the slightest bit of jealousy or anything. i mean, i've met all his girlfriends (the ones worthwhile meeting, that is), and he's even brought one of his steadier girlfriends to see my mum!
now that we're living in different countries/cities, we're able to stay at each other's places whilst knowing that nothing dodgy will ever happen. not to say he wouldn't tease and try - in jest, of course.
-----
see - that was what i had hoped i'd be able to get from my latest ex-boyfriend, "j". but it has been so difficult, and it's really taking its toll on us. it's just not the same as my first bf. i think J is a compulsive liar - and just doesn't know when to stop. we've been broken up now for well over half a year, and he's still lying to me. he backtracks when i catch him in a lie. but then he forgets he told me truth, and continues to lie. why?
oh - and his new korean girlfriend isn't helping either. apparently, she hates my guts even though i haven't met her and have done absolutely nothing to her or her boyfriend. she gave J a huge hickey once on his neck, as though she's marking him as her's. she even forwarded photographs of the two together to me! i can't say both things didn't have any effect on me. they did. i freely admit it. but it doesn't mean i love him or i want to be with him at all.
i'm just sick of their antics at this point. i don't even care if we're friends or not. only because i feel as though it was never a real friendship. how could it be if it were full of lies? sure - he knows me in and out. but do i really know him? i don't feel as though i do. then again, maybe he doesn't really know me at all - otherwise he'd know it'd be okay not to lie. to reveal who he really is. even the dark and ugly side. and that maybe i could've accepted it. but i just wasn't given that choice was i?
so no big loss. it was just a waste of 2 years. in a twisted way, they were 2 happy years - only because i lived in a lie.
-----
Update: Tuesday, June 13th 4:ooPM
okay - and so it is bothering me that he hasn't done anything about his gf harrassing me... not surprising that i'm bothered by it.. it just makes me question whether he really does consider me as a friend or not.. i meant, if anyone bothered my friends, let alone ex-boyfriend - i'd question their morales and mental stability! but the fact that he hasn't may even implicate him! maybe he sent them just to mess me up! argh. i wish i could stop thinking stupid thoughts.
posted by c`kREtZ at 12:11 am
2 Comments:
=~(
such a sad entry...
you can't compare J to D. J was always devious - I think one of the things that u were attracted to was J's intelligence/nerdiness hahhaa... he wasn't honest, didn't have a good heart. but he was smart. the prob is that he has prolly gotten used to taking adv of his good features, and wants to make the most of it. anyway, u know me. i shouldn't be commenting on J.
What's most important is you knowing how to be good to yourself. I think the best way to handle, is to cut the ties. If you guys are only friends now, and he(& crazy kor chick) still manages to hurt you, then the friendship doesn't seem worth it. But thats ur call (i'm not sure how much that friendship is worth to u).
humm.. ahahha i think i read ur blogs in the wrong order..
anyway.. its not a sad entry - i think youre making progress.. !
why you still thinking about J ?why are you comparing J to your really really old ex bf - turned good guy-friend ?
look, im going to be frank - cos theres no other way!
J is an idiot. Take that and wrap ur mind with it.
stop second guessing who he is. you wil never find out bec after 2 years of being with him - and living with him - that counts more! if you dont know him by now, theres no way you can ever know him.
the way he's handled the situation - just shows immaturity!
you have to stop expecting him to do anything for you or even in ur best interests- - that whole korean gal harassing you - seriously gal - when you start thinking youre a door mat ??? huh??
if i was in NYC right now, i'd rock up to the bastard and his fat ass korean biatch and tell them right off !
**heheh just venting.. **
no one treats my friend like that! and you should never allow anyone treating u like that either!
remember hes the bastard here! not only should he be nice to you - he should be grovelling! - but heheh thats just wishful thinking lah.
the best closure you got is when he just left. it means hes not man enuff to deal with issues and hes not man enuff for you!
set boundaries lah.
+ not everyone can be friends post breakup. youre running after a dream if you think J can be a friend. not after all that crap! have standards lah..
let it go.
the whole point of breaking up is stop seeing a person and moving on. thank gawd you guys arent married cos seriously it can get a lot worse lah!
so count ur lucky stars that youve escaped from a untrusting person and rebuild the positive stuff around you - that is - good food , wine and friends..
okay ?!
jeez..
i wish i can smack the sense into u and then cover you with chocolate and plush silk to embrace a new life and good riddence of old stale bread - a.k.a -J.
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