time flies....

wow - it's been 10 months since i've logged onto the blogger... and not much has changed since my last blog. time has been at a standstill for a while now.

since, then i made 2 trips to hk, 1 trip back home, went to germany and went to cancun... i left uncle ernie and joined goldman sachs... it sounds like a lot has happened - but i'm still me. and nothing has changed.

losing myself...

i'm losing myself in the city.... i don't know who i am anymore, and i'm scared.

did i lose myself in the big city? or did i lose myself in my prior relationship? or did i lose myself before i even left home?

i just feel so empty right now.

now that i've reached my career goal, i feel tired - too tired to set the next level of goals. and i seem to be failing in everything else.

i know that i'm doing much much better than i was this time last year. i've been promoted. i have a pay rise. i have several new close friends that i can rely on that i didn't have this time last year. i still have my wonderful friends and family back home and in hong kong who still love me and care about me. i'm over my ex-bf, which i wasn't at this time last year.

so how have things gotten worse over the past year? i've lost all integrity. hope. trust. i no longer enjoy the pleasures in life that i once loved. i've made new enemies, and lost some friends..

how can i be happy again? what happened to me?

maybe i just need sleep - this is why i shouldn't work 13 hour days...

ahhh - another contributor to losing myself... losing myself to work... poooooooooo...

aimless.. part ii

Wow - I was just about to write another blog entry titled, "aimless.." when i thought i may have already typed one up. so i looked through my old entries, and found an incomplete and unpublished entry... - so i've just posted it incomplete so i can write up part ii...

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i just woke up about an hour ago - again, wondering what i am doing. i can't go on anymore without setting goals in my life. otherwise, life will just pass me by... all i seem to do these days is work and spend all my money on useless crap like fine dining and more clothes and shoes, leaving myself with no savings at the end of each month - often finding myself in debt even.

so, it's been confirmed that i will be promoted to a manager in a week's time. i do relatively well at work - but only because that is something that i'm good at and i can set realistic goals to get me where i am.

but life is so different. or maybe not. maybe i just need to break it down into bite-sized chunks.

Goal 1) Feel more energized
Target a) Eat healthier and appropriate portions of food.
Target b) Go back to the gym.
Target c) Drink less. Drink more water or something.

Goal 2) Save some money to invest in something important like a deposit for an apartment
Target a) Fine dine less and less extravagently
Target b) Shop less and make do with what i already own.
Target c) Stop buying things for the apartment - I probably wont be here much longer

Goal 3) En joy my life more.
Target a) Find something that i enjoy doing that doesn't involve eating, shopping, drinking or spending more money. e.g.........
i) go to the park
ii) find free events (but most were over when summer ended)
iii) walk around nyc and discover more
iv) do walking tours from all the touristy books i own
v) go to the museums

Goal 4) Appreciate the good things i already have in my life
Target a) keep in contact with my family and good friends
Target b) continue to do well at work

Goal 5) Expand and grow?
Target a) make new friends
Target b) see new things
Target c) do new things
Target d) visit new places e.g. south america? europe?
Target e) take new courses e.g. learning to read and write chinese? pilates? yoga?
Target f) cook more?

that sounds about right... maybe now i won't feel so aimless?? :P