little black cloud...
i feel like i am a bad person... i feel as though i have wronged many people lately... and i don't feel good about myself. i've never meant to hurt anyone. i just don't understand why everything seems to take a bad turn recently... why do i have such bad luck now? e.g.
- bad breakup with J, and him feeling pain because of me
- bad vacation with N, and friendship seems to have been lost now
- having a fling thing or whatever it was with tong tong
- another friend feeling betrayed because he and i got together
- going out with some guys, hoping we could just be friends although i knew they were hoping we could be more than that
- not handling situations properly so that ppl around me get hurt, leaving them unhappy
- rejecting J and causing even more pain for him
- dancing with guys, and not giving them my number later when they ask for it, leaving them feeling dejected...
why? why do i feel like i'm causing so much pain and anguish around me? why do i have such a dark, black cloud above me, striking everyone around me down with lightning? i'm tired... i really am.... when will i be myself again? this is not me. i've always been happy, positive, a motivator, someone that others can lean on.. when did i become like this???
- bad breakup with J, and him feeling pain because of me
- bad vacation with N, and friendship seems to have been lost now
- having a fling thing or whatever it was with tong tong
- another friend feeling betrayed because he and i got together
- going out with some guys, hoping we could just be friends although i knew they were hoping we could be more than that
- not handling situations properly so that ppl around me get hurt, leaving them unhappy
- rejecting J and causing even more pain for him
- dancing with guys, and not giving them my number later when they ask for it, leaving them feeling dejected...
why? why do i feel like i'm causing so much pain and anguish around me? why do i have such a dark, black cloud above me, striking everyone around me down with lightning? i'm tired... i really am.... when will i be myself again? this is not me. i've always been happy, positive, a motivator, someone that others can lean on.. when did i become like this???
posted by c`kREtZ at 9:59 pm
2 Comments:
hi sweetie, i'll tell u the answer. u need to come home to be urself! come home come home
we all miss u in sydney.
it will help u if u were more strict on urself - thinking about what is right & wrong by you; & making sure u don't do things u know are wrong (like drinking lots!). if u can stick by that, u would feel great about yourself. even better than all the temporary good feelings u get from living in the moment. most of your list are actions resulting from living in the moment. so yah, its not really bad luck. its just the way u choose to live.
humm.. i dont check your blog for a month and youve decided to name the process of growing up a "little black cloud" ... ?
gal, its all about growing up. Being sensitive towards others and how you affect the ppl around you.
I know youre a good intentioned gal, and the issue isnt about being good or bad, its just about being senstive and honest to the ppl around you.
Sorry , growing up is hard and it means you have to confront ppl and clarify things if need be.
As for J, who cares ? youre not responsible for his feelings since he did choose to finish the relationship before.
For Tongy, well, whatever it wasnt very serious and if he was that important you would have tried chatting with him.
Well, as far as I can see, you dont relly care about them or else you would have done something about the lost relationship..
anyway will chats more later.. sick of listening to some london accented biatch from work talking about her boring life and whining as per usual.
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