letting go... (continued)
*sigh* i feel like crap today...
friday night, J called and left me a voicemail... essentially saying that he needed to talk to me because was very unhappy and drank himself to an oblivious state on thursday night because he missed me - and doesn't know why he tried so hard to not give our relationship a 2nd go...
at the time i heard the message, i didn't really care. i mean - i cared about how he was doing...etc, but i didn't care about how he felt for me - and i was somewhat happy as it was a sign that i have moved on... so i continued to party on - and had a lot of fun... and then i knew i had to go and talk things through with him....
so when i went and saw him, i told him exactly how i felt about the whole situation - how the past 5 months were really hard for me. i cried too much, and tried too hard, and for what purpose? and then i was finally able to let go because he helped give me a push by being so cruel to me.. and i'm a lot happier now than i have been for a long, long time... and i don't want to go back to that anguish... we talked a bit, and then i went home...
so .. saturday, this crappy feeling started to creep up on me. and then i got another voicemail from j... saying that he still loves me, and that i probably made the right decision...
it didn't help that i had a kinda bad date yesterday either... not that it was bad - but just that it didn't go well for me... don't know if that makes sense - anyway, i went out with a guy to brunch and to see the bodies exhibition, went to coffee...etc and i felt as though he was just trying too hard.. and it kinda scared me away - i'm just not ready to see anyone... i really just wanted to go as friends, and meet more people...
well - all in all, i think letting go is a little harder than i thought it would be. it probably would've been easier for me to not see j and explain... but i think it was the right thing to do... i don't know why i feel crappy - i know i don't like him, i know i don't want to be with him (ever), and i know i made the right decision - so why do i feel like shit? is it coz i know he feels like shit, and i feel bad? *sigh*
friday night, J called and left me a voicemail... essentially saying that he needed to talk to me because was very unhappy and drank himself to an oblivious state on thursday night because he missed me - and doesn't know why he tried so hard to not give our relationship a 2nd go...
at the time i heard the message, i didn't really care. i mean - i cared about how he was doing...etc, but i didn't care about how he felt for me - and i was somewhat happy as it was a sign that i have moved on... so i continued to party on - and had a lot of fun... and then i knew i had to go and talk things through with him....
so when i went and saw him, i told him exactly how i felt about the whole situation - how the past 5 months were really hard for me. i cried too much, and tried too hard, and for what purpose? and then i was finally able to let go because he helped give me a push by being so cruel to me.. and i'm a lot happier now than i have been for a long, long time... and i don't want to go back to that anguish... we talked a bit, and then i went home...
so .. saturday, this crappy feeling started to creep up on me. and then i got another voicemail from j... saying that he still loves me, and that i probably made the right decision...
it didn't help that i had a kinda bad date yesterday either... not that it was bad - but just that it didn't go well for me... don't know if that makes sense - anyway, i went out with a guy to brunch and to see the bodies exhibition, went to coffee...etc and i felt as though he was just trying too hard.. and it kinda scared me away - i'm just not ready to see anyone... i really just wanted to go as friends, and meet more people...
well - all in all, i think letting go is a little harder than i thought it would be. it probably would've been easier for me to not see j and explain... but i think it was the right thing to do... i don't know why i feel crappy - i know i don't like him, i know i don't want to be with him (ever), and i know i made the right decision - so why do i feel like shit? is it coz i know he feels like shit, and i feel bad? *sigh*
posted by c`kREtZ at 9:51 am
2 Comments:
Hey gal,
dunno why u are still talking to him lah. i mean, breaking up is soo tough and youve survived for 5 months already.. !!
it just seems hes lonely and miserable and thinks that going out with you again will make him feel better about himself.
which really means - hes selfish.
i mean, at the end of the day, being in a relationship involves commitment. if he is unwilling to be committed, or is afraid of commitment - phobia hitting him, then what is he really trying to say ?
seems more like him saying "i want someone to make me feel better about myself, to fill in the time - but i don’t want to be committed and don’t want to put in the effort" ??
so all in all, what is he good for ? Absolutely nothing!
if a stranger said these things to you, would you even consider him as a potential date? ...
i hope you answered no.
think very carefully of what you want. Do you love him ? can you see him as someone you can be with for the next 30 years ? is he worth your while? Are there better potential dates out there.. ?
only you can answer these questions.
Getting back together is easy but the hard part is sustaining the relationship.
Do not contact him until you have made a firm decision. That being said, a firm decision means regardless of watever he says .... your decision is the same.
If you want to give it another shot, he really has to earn your love and trust again. – on YOUR terms.
If you don’t want to give it another shot, then get out while you can before it gets hostile and ruins the friendship you still have together. Hence you need to setup what is acceptable behaviour from him. Eg- no messages, no dinners… Look break-ups are hard, but once you get thru the awkward stage, you can be close friends again.
Gal, I have to tell you this, if a guy really really loves you, he will be committed even possessive. There will be no one out there except you. He would not need to work on being committed.. Or get commitment –phobia.
Until he can address the problem of why he was commitment phobic, then its not safe to even hang around him. He somehow doesn’t see you as “the one”.
Like in Sex in the City, He’s just not that into you. It is not your fault. Gal, put down the baggage and move on. Theres many other guys who will be totally digging you .. !! + you deserve a man that totally digs you.
So Gal, be bold, be brave, be happy.
hi sweetie,
letting go will always be hard, if u weren't totally ready when the break up happens. i think u're taking it all really well. its healthy to date more, and to be active in meeting gf's/guy friends. the worst thing u could do right now is shutting yourself up - so u're lucky to have the friends around u & guys interested in you.
its a shame u don't like doctor guy. i was hoping u might like him.
J telling u about changing his mind doesn't show much, u know, except that he is shit. how can he say he loves u. how dare he. obviously he has a diff meaning to the word than the word itself.
either way, hold on, be strong, don't drink too much.
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